Washing dishes by hand is probably my least favorite chore, but it does give me a few brief moments to let my mind wander off the beaten path. This evening’s wandering took me back to an old Guns & Roses song “Used to Love Her”.  the line “She bitched so much, it drove me nuts, and I can still hear her complain.” made me think about the social utility of whining and complaining.

“Bitching”, “whining”, or “complaining”. It really does not matter what you call it, the action is an expression designed to elicit a response from another person.

The desired response could be to get attention. Sometimes when a person is feeling neglected emotionally, they will do things to get the needed attention. It really doesn’t matter whether the attention is positive or negative, as long as they get their fix. This behavior is most commonly seen in small children when they become “bratty” and petulant.

Another potential response is to coerce another person into solving the complainer’s perceived problem. This version says “I’m too powerless and/or lazy to solve my own problems, so I want YOU to deal with it for me.”

That got me to thinking about apocalyptic scenarios. The actual circumstances are irrelevant. We will just assume everyone is having a really bad day and it looks like life in general will continue to suck on a grandiose scale for the foreseeable future.

In every, and I mean EVERY, disaster film ever made, everyone in the audience cannot wait for the whiny hysteric character to snuff it, preferably in the most horrible manner possible, just so the rest of the survivors will have a bit of quiet to think.

Consider this in the context of your own survival potential.

A survivor thinks their way through the situation, and then they take specific actions to ensure they stay above room temperature by maximizing the resources and opportunities they have available. If there is a group of survivors, they band together to try to ensure everyone survives. A person who complains and whines does not contribute, and they are a constant drag on morale. In short order they become a disruptive force within a group, and it will not take long for the rest of the group to decide silencing the whiner is worth the calories needed to bash in their skull to shut them up.

Before the storm is the time to think carefully about preparations, and some of the most important preps are your mind and attitude. Go wash some dishes, or garden for an hour or two. Just something to occupy your hands so your mind can wander freely.

Think about your current behavior when you are under stress. How do you relate to those closest to you?  How do you choose to express negative emotions like anger, frustration, fear, and hopelessness?

Replay conversations where you were feeling these emotions in your mind. How were you expressing yourself? Were you using phrases like “I feel”, “I think”, “I need”, or were you using phrases like “You always”, “You never”, “Why did you…?”, “I hate…”, “You need to…”, then you have some work to do on how you communicate.

Everybody needs things, but nobody can cover all of their needs alone. This is why humans are social creatures. The key to being a social creature is having skills that are useful under whatever circumstances you find yourself in.

(A medic at a car accident is a popular person. A marketing genius is a waste of oxygen.)

Everybody also needs to be able to express their needs in a way that explains how that need will be met, and to express how other people can contribute to that solution because everyone else involved probably has similar needs that will have to be met through efforts on the part of the entire group. Learn these critical communication skills and practice them in your daily life because some dark day your life may depend on them. The disaster you are living through will be hard enough on everyone involved. DO NOT be the one person making things worse for everyone else by being the whiner.